Totally Legitimate Literary Excuses

You know when someone accuses you of something, or criticizes you, or rakes you over the coals, and you can only come up with a really lame excuse to cover your derrière? Well, today is your lucky day because I’ve written out some great literary excuses for you to use in such situations. Simply print out this list or write it/tattoo it on your arm and voilà! People will stop giving you sh#t. Ok, this is not guaranteed, but at least it’s better than nothing, right?


Authors I Love to Hate know what I’m talking about. Someone mentions their favorite writer and you’re all like EYE ROLLLLL. Of course, everyone has their own literary taste, and we shouldn’t judge one another, but we should understand that one person’s favorite is another’s nails-on-the-chalkboard.

Now you know me and how I get very emotional about my favorite writers and books (i.e. just say “Thomas Mann” in my presence and I melt into a puddle of devoted awe). Not surprisingly, I have equally strong emotions when it comes to those works that…irritate me.

Below are some authors who make me impatient, irritable, or just downright tired. I know this list will anger some people, so just direct all of your hate-mail to rachel@fakeemailaddress.blah. Thanks!