The Ghost of Future Jonathan Franzen: we all know that this guy just needs to put a sock in it
Solar Flares: Every once in a while, scientists start yelling about solar flares and how they might mess up the electrical grid. Because the sun is no joke, you guys, it’s hot and big and without it we’d be…well…not here reading this post. And really, how much do we actually know about the sun’s effect on the Earth? Perhaps a little solar flare about a month ago was ignored by scientists, but wound up magnetically attracting undiscovered manuscripts? Suddenly, the Lee book leapt into the air from underneath a bunch of old grocery bills? Or the Dr. Seuss book burst out of its hiding place and landed on someone’s face? I’m just sayin’.
A Seance Held By Haruki Murakami, Toni Morrison, China Mieville, and Donna Tartt: So these four literary heavyweights decided one day that they’d hold a seance because seances are cool and maybe they’d get to talk to their favorite dead writers. How surprised were they when they joined hands and called upon their literary heroes, only to hear a faint whisper in the air- a whisper that told them where to find forgotten manuscripts? They were extremely surprised. When the seance was over, they each wrote the location of a hidden literary gem on a piece of paper and slipped them under the doors of newspaper offices.
Aliens With X-Ray Vision Who’ve Been Living On Our Planet Secretly For Years Couldn’t Wait Any More: Yes, so those aliens who live among us but look like us have known all along about the existence of these texts because they have super-powerful alien x-ray vision or something. They thought, “Well, these humans may be dumb, but they can’t be that dumb. They’ll find these manuscripts eventually.” Well, that statement was made about 35 years ago. And then, early this year, the aliens couldn’t wait any more. It was killing them. They just had to establish telepathic links with the appropriate people and tell them where to find the beauties. But now we know that aliens are here. Their cover is blown. Oops.
(first posted on Book Riot 2/23/15)