|from Hyperbole and a Half|
Yes, I know that I’m only human, but that won’t stop me from trying as hard as I can to read as much as I can. And I’m not even talking about technical manuals and government reports and 18th-century dictionaries. I’m focusing just on literary fiction, sci-fi, biographies, and history….for now.
So since we’re all writing/revising our New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve come up with some things I can do to read all those books. It’s a “game-plan” that takes into account all those factors that I can (try to) control. I’m sharing them with you now because I like you. You’re book dorks like me
Here goes (from least to most drastic):
I will eat more fruits and vegetables because “They” say that these things are good for you and will help you live longer.
Along those lines, I will eat less of the following: cake, cookies, donuts, muffins, cinnamon rolls, ice cream, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate (although “They” also say that dark chocolate is good for you, so there!)
I will ride my bike more in nice weather so that my body is in tip-top shape and I can live to 800.
I will befriend all doctors who specialize in all the things that might potentially ail me when I am a middle-aged woman.
I will do the Old Jewish Lady thing and keep one-dollar bills and change in random places all around the house and on my person as a kind of savings account, and with that money saved up over 50 years I will be able to buy many, many books without my husband getting mad at how quickly our retirement account is shrinking. And I will be such a constant at the local library that they’ll have books ready for me like coffee for a Starbucks regular.
If all these less-drastic measures fall short, I will befriend someone working in the field of cryonics and have in place a plan for resuscitation every 100-150 years.
I will figure out how to open up a wormhole in space so I can just keep looping back to a particular part of my life to read all the books I didn’t read the first time around.
I will build a time machine and do the time-looping thing.
I will figure out a way to freeze time for everyone else once a year so I can catch up on all that I didn’t get to read.
What are your plans for Reading All the Books? Tell, tell, tell…
(first posted on Book Riot 12/18/13)